What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 23.06.2025 01:32
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
How did it feel to take your first gay BBC?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
How can we become the best humans? How can we trust each other?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Why did i forgive my father ?
SpaceX launches Falcon 9 from Vandenberg SFB Saturday afternoon - KSBY News
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Sorting Out Long COVID Symptoms in Babies - Medscape
We all went to grammer schools
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
U.S. blasts Hamas response to Gaza ceasefire plan: ‘Totally unacceptable’ - The Washington Post
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I write beautiful poetry .
What song are you listening to right now? What does it mean to you?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
How will artificial intelligence impact employment and the job market?
I was 9 years of age.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
What did i know ?
What are some great short jokes?
So whats the point in blame.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
This Cat Poop Parasite Can Decapitate Sperm—and It Might Be Fueling Infertility - Gizmodo
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I said to her
Where the ultimate outsiders.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
One cannot live in the past .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
So, i spoilt her more .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I think the readers, may guess!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She wouldn,t have been !
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Ive learnt so much.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Who then, do I blame.?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She married twice! .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He knew the spot.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But, we were locked up after school.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
It was going to be , some day.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I have no regrets .
Would this be the day?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
This is soul school!.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Was to survive, this bastard.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Comes on , in middle age.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I couldn’t, believe it.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I waited trembling.
I was scared of men, in general
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She was in good health!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
We were not on the streets..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Im still living with it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
All the time i was locked up.
He resisted the act ,that day.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She loved him until the end.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I could never make a relationship work though!
When she asked me how she looked .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I don,t even have a pension.
Put me off passion for life!!
I was very sick at this time too.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But it wasn’t much.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My family never makes their pension either.
But ive been too sick for many years..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I will be 64.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She found it foreign!.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was seconnd youngest,
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And i lived it daily.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My life is so biszare .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.